Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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