i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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