I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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