If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
how does that bad decision feel?
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