Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
