i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
