escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
