Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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