I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
