Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
