I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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