im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
