he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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