I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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