She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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