He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
