My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
