those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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