I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
