did you get engaged???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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