Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
