Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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