sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
