Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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