I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My legs feel like baby dolphins
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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