Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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