I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
