Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
