How'd it feel making her break her religion?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
