I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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