Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
