I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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