Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
