So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
These tits shall not be calmed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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