we have officially lost it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
