Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
