U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A+ Viking dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
