I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
