I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
