dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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