thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
