I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
