what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
