I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
