Yo dont text me then not text me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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