If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
