We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
