so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
