we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
