the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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