And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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