Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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