The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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