He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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