So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
