So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
