I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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