Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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