his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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