Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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