either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
