My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
