I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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