im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
