I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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