haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
