theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
