Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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