Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.

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  (206): Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability. http://tfl.nu/ef1b
  Replies (15) Good night (1772) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  i cant believe jose lima did steroids

  (281): View more from Texas

  apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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  (713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids (281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball http://tfl.nu/yhdf
  Replies (13) Good night (1605) Bad night (2099)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

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  (901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name. http://tfl.nu/tyab
  Replies (29) Good night (5299) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping

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  (401): and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping http://tfl.nu/w61z
  Replies (18) Good night (972) Bad night (4818) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

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  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
  Replies (56) Good night (1243) Bad night (6643) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

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  (815): I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore. http://tfl.nu/ecds
  Replies (35) Good night (2314) Bad night (4819) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

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  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5502) Bad night (1209)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (7931) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk

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  (916): I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk http://tfl.nu/o3lp
  Replies (12) Good night (2130) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

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  (215): There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave... http://tfl.nu/jtzo
  Replies (9) Good night (2670) Bad night (2347) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.

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  (847): At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know. http://tfl.nu/0yrr
  Replies (3) Good night (2095) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?

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  (256): I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much? http://tfl.nu/gx9s
  Replies (4) Good night (2505) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

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  (530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw
  Replies (7) Good night (1897) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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  (952): He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan. http://tfl.nu/7ucr
  Replies (17) Good night (760) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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  (828): NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE http://tfl.nu/lvmw
  Replies (6) Good night (455) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt

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