have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
