Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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