i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
