I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
