i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
