I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
