mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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