He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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