Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
