We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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