we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
