Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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