I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
