the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
