Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
