Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
